I’m kind of in a panic. Everything is so up in the air. Bobby has been at my house almost every night lately for the past couple of weeks or so and I desperately need time to breathe. I’m a loner by nature and a loner at heart. I just feel like I can’t breathe. I feel smothered. I like my space, even when in a relationship, I need time to myself. I’ve even been smoking too much weed, just to deal with this shit, and finally decided it’s time to stop smoking weed as it’s messing with my lungs. I don’t normally make a habit out of smoking. I can go weeks or months without smoking weed and I’m fine but in times of chaos, I don’t mind hitting a bowl or two to relax, but even my marijuana tolerance is going up and the weed is having less effect. I need a couple nights or so alone a week just to unwind and enjoy some alone time and I haven’t been getting that lately with Bobby. He said he’d stay home last night and then showed up at my doorstep at 1 in the morning last night banging on my window, waking me up, and scaring the shit out of me. I just wanted one night alone and I couldn’t get it. Something’s gotta be done for me to have a little alone time! And now I’m questioning if I even want to get married. We’re engaged and have talked about marriage for years but I’m starting to worry….if I’m feeling smothered now, what will I feel like when we are married? I sound like a guy with all these commitment issues! Crazy! But I definitely need him to cut back on wanting to spend so much time with me and let me have some time alone. Some space in a relationship is healthy! If you’re together all the time, it creates problems. Plus, he woke up and left this morning without even telling me goodbye or waking me and I wake up and he’s gone! He did turn back up a short while later with breakfast from McDonald’s for me which is sweet, but I was still pissed he left without a goodbye or a kiss! But we’re going to dinner tonight and he’ll be over tonight yet again. I’m trying to think of what I can do to get some time alone from this man! I love him to pieces and adore him but it’s just getting to me too much. 🙁
Oh, and I got the latest Nintendo Switch video game Mario Vs. Donkey Kong in the mail yesterday so I’m excited to start playing that! YAY!
